Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
