So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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