My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
