yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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