clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
