I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
