Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Even my vagina gasped.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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