soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
