Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
