i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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