This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
