Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
