Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
