dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
