I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
