If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
