I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
