she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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