I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
