In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
