Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
