forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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