If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
