R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
