Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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