So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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