No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
