Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
