We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
