...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
