just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
