I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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