It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
