Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
