did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Who died my cat blue again?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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