SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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