Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
