Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
