This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
