there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
