I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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