Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
