you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
