I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
