I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
