I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we're making bets on your personal life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
