Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
