"it" just moved
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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