I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
