the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need water and some morals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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